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Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Top Guard Moments

  1. Chi - One time in Eastwood City there was a rock concert. A couple of teenagers in punk outfits were stopped by the guard. He told them, “Bawal kayu ditu mga julugs!”
  2. Jam - One time I asked a guard, “Manong may toilet ba dito sa first floor?” He said, “Meron.” When I asked, “Saan po?” He answered, “Sa taas.”
  3. Evilinsyd - Once pingilan ako ng guard sa office dahil hinahanap daw ako ni “pete soliban”. So napatigil ako dahil wala akong kilalang ganun. Yun pala si “Faith Sullivan”.
  4. Jose de vengenge - I asked the guard where the lab room was. He said: “Nakikita mo yang corner na yan sa kaliwa? Kumanan ka dyan.” I asked, “Nandun yun lab?” He answered: “Hindi, may isa pang guard dun. Sa kanya mo itanong.”
  5. SPY Shadow - There was this ‘matrona’ who got mad at the hotel security guard. Kasi, he thoroughly frisked all the people entering the establishment except the old lady. So the ‘matrona’ said “Unfair ka! Hindi ko naman sinabi sa ‘yo na ayaw ko’ng magpakapkap ah!”
  6. Raez - Slogan of the army: “no guts, no gl0ry”; the police: “no pain, no gain”; the navy: “no retreat, no surrender”; the guards: “no ID, no entry”.
  7. StarSky - I was at the MRT station, and the guard asked me what’s in my case. I opened my poker set and she said, “Ano yan, bingo?” I said, “Hindi po, poker po.” The guard next to her asked what it was, and she said, “Bingo.”
  8. SC - One time we asked a guard where the nearest McDo was. He gave us instructions, but when we followed them, wala naman. We went back to the guard and told him his directions were wrong, and all he said was, “Bago lang ako dito.”
  9. Empog - Once it was raining and once I got to school, I slipped and hit my head on the floor. There I was, flat on the floor, with my head bleeding, and the guard who saw everything, asked me, “Nadulas ka?”
  10. Miming - Back in my elementary days, one of the guards reported us to his superior because we did something bad. He said over the walkie-talkie, “Sir, binutas ng mga Gamma Alpha Gamma Oscar ang mga gulong ng 3 kotse.” So my friend blurted out, “Boss, yung mga Gamma Alpha Gamma Omega na tinutukoy mo, ay marunong din mag Sierra Papa Echo Lima Lima!”
  11. Starbuko - When I was in grade 1, my sundo forgot to fetch me. After waiting for hours and being the only elementary student left in the school, the guard gave me 10 pesos from his own money and helped me get a tricycle to ride home.
  12. Jose de vengenge - One time while the guard was frisking me, I joked: “Manong, ang taba naman ng batuta niyo saka ang haba.” The guard answered: “Oo naman…kaya lang maitim.”
  13. Kalabasa Extreme - When I was in high school, I was openly gay on campus. But I became “straight” in college. One day, I toured my college tropa to our high school, and when one of my guard friends saw me, he shouted, “Hoy bakla, kumusta ka na? Ang dami mong kasamang papa ha!”
  14. Judgedave - We play pranks on our guard who has a thick accent. I know, bad kami. But we get a kick hearing him announce on the loudspeakers, “Peejing, Rizal…Hoosi…”
  15. Surao - One day a security guard caught 2 employees having sex in the office pantry. Guard: “Aha! Violation of company rules!” Guy: “Anong rule?” Guard: “Uhm…not wearing uniform?”
  16. No name - One time as I was logging out, I absentmindedly blurted out, “Ang bilis ng oras…” The guard answered, “Mabilis talaga, kasi ang oras, tumatakbo.”
  17. Jose de vengenge - One time a friend got distracted by the handsome guard’s bulge. So as she rolled down the car window, the guard noticed she had so many bags in the back. Guard: “O ma’am, saan po lakad natin?” Friend: “Ah wala, magbabakatyon lang.”
  18. Ynaki - My friend and I were momentarily held and questioned while we were entering a building in Dubai because the security guard’s metal detector kept on beeping everytime he frisked us, even after all the metal on us were taken off. The culprit, believe it or not ,was the metal piercing on my friend’s thingy. Ayun, nakita tuloy ng mga Arabo kung gaano kalaki yung ‘ano’ niya!
  19. Dang - My friend needed to enter a building but the guard refused her entry. So she said, “Sige na manong, sandali lang ako, PROMISE!” The guard said, “Ma’am, alam naman nating lahat na, PROMISES are made to be broken…”
  20. His Airness - I’m a building administrator, so I routinely interview guards for posting. One time, I asked a guard during an interview: “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” The guard replied, ” I’m a very strong person, but I am weak when I’m in love.”

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Reasons To Stay In A Bad Relationship

The logic is to leave a bad relationship. But somehow, a gajillion people stay in B-A-A-A-D relationships, for whatever reason they may have. They’re in so much pain, yet they keep coming back for more. I’m not judging here, it’s a fact. Well, here are some of their reasons. This is one of the best Top Tens EVER. The entries were all so good, I couldn’t choose which ones to include! I guess the best Top Tens are those where you guys send us stuff straight from the heart; when it comes from your own personal experiences. LOVED this one.

Reasons To Stay In A Bad Relationship

  1. No name - Because when I watch her sleeping, I can still see the girl I fell in love with, before it all went bad.
  2. D.vet - You stay because you found love, even if it’s not the love that you wanted.
  3. No name - It’s like I just don’t want to end it until the relationship dies a natural death.
  4. Jijipong - Because the sex is crazily good.
  5. Amber - I once heard this from a neighbor: “Wag mo na pakawalan yan, kasi baka wala ka nang ibang makita pa ulit!”
  6. Farrah - Because I don’t want to fight all the time with any other man except him.
  7. Purplerose - My friend’s reason: “Sayang naman yung 10 years.”
  8. Veronica sierra - As long as I can still bear the pain.
  9. Nico Loco - Because he is my best friend AND my business partner.
  10. Jigs - She swallows.
  11. Gorgeous Bitch - Because you’re too stubborn to admit that, once again, you failed.
  12. No name - A friend once said she stayed with her boyfriend even if he was cheating because she would rather be miserable with him, than be miserable without him.
  13. Twylyt - Pinasok ko, kaya paninindigan ko.
  14. Charlie - Some people simply think that love is SUPPOSED to hurt.
  15. JT - I have a friend. The guy is very babaero. And we ask her, kung bakit ayaw niya pang hiwalayan? She replied, “Kasi siya yung naka-una…”
  16. Marcus - When you’d be worse off if you quit than if you keep doing it.
  17. Purplerose - “Magbabago naman sya pag ikinasal na kami.”
  18. ACER -Because I accept the fact that I’m responsible for 50% of what makes it a bad relationship.
  19. Tiffany - Because he’s the best father my kid could ever have…even if he’s a lousy husband.
  20. Jijipong - Okay na rin at least I have her platinum credit card extension.
  21. No name - Kasi ayaw ko magpatalo sa asawa niya.
  22. Rael/JV/Spy Shadow/LanceLUST - It’s the free sex.
  23. Öta - Because zero sex is worse!
  24. Toni - Because there’s no guarantee that I’ll find better.
  25. Gorgeous Bitch - Because even if he makes you the most miserable person in the world, he is also the only one who makes you the happiest.
  26. Dyosa - Because I get to be dominant. He takes care of our house, children, laundry, etc. And I don’t get nagged when I come home late.
  27. Cookai - Because he loves me more than I love him.
  28. Argueliz - Because there are no bad relationships. Only people with unrealistic expectations.
  29. ALLE - So that there’ll be no thoughts of: “Maybe if I tried a little harder, it might have worked.”
  30. Karen of Cainta - Because I’m a coward.
  31. Abegail - Because he makes me feel loved, whenever he’s not hurting me.
  32. Espeks - Because I hate the idea of starting the whole process all over again.
  33. Vie/Luvh8s - I don’t want to have a broken family.
  34. Espeks - Because she’s always there when nobody else will.
  35. Coachdanny - Her dad is an alumnus of a top UAAP school and gets season tickets to Ateneo games (lower box) and he is a manager of one company that has a PBA team and he is given upper box season tickets. For a basketball fan that’s great.
  36. May 5264 - How do you say goodbye to someone who has NEVER deliberately hurt you, no matter how often he does it?
  37. Leitox - Because love has no boundaries.
  38. Angel of my Life - I’d stay in a bad relationship to hurt him more.
  39. Louise - A friend once told me that she’s staying in a bad relationship because he’s the best looking guy she’s ever been with. Sayang naman daw. If they have kids at least cute.
  40. Jaja - My mom just can’t end their more than 30 years of marriage kasi baka daw ikamatay pa ng dad ko & she’s not prepared to carry that in her conscience for the rest of her life.
  41. Mr. Perk - If you’ve accepted the fact that you’re simply just one of those people who were destined to be in a bad relationship.
  42. V55 - Kasi sa relationship namin, ako yung bad. Plus, she’s the first “shaved” woman I was ever with.
  43. Prince_Fireside - At least I won’t be alone on dates like Xmas, New Year & Valentines. Besides, I can always ditch the bad relationship if a better person comes along.
  44. Powerful Alice - Sadista siya, masokista ako…parang bagay na din.
  45. Chino - She’s too dependent on me, as if she can’t breath w/o me. Kawawa naman if I leave her.
  46. Mikimoto - Because it was I who screwed up the best I ever had.
  47. Bing - Because his dad has cancer. And I’m the only one he can count on to stand by his side through all this.
  48. Gorgeous Bitch - Because some are born lucky…and some aren’t.
  49. Cheyenne - Because you stand by the vows you made when you were married.
  50. Bennett - The worse the fight, the better the make up sex.
  51. Marie - If the amount of love you get still exceeds the amount of pain.
  52. Gorgeous Bitch - Because your stupid heart said so!